…like I’ve seen a ghost.

Today while I was waiting for Terrence to come back from his morning trek for coffee and milk, I stumbled across some old feelings. I was cleaning out my email drafts when I opened up something from November of 2006. For those of you that have been around for that long you know that Terrence and I had stretch of misery in late ’06 to mid ’07. The contents of this email draft were originally intended to be a blog post, but I assessed that it was far too personal to share with the world. A lot of the details of why we were so unhappy were at the time, and for the most part are still, very private. When I wrote this post I didn’t have anyone close in my life to share these feelings with and it ate at me until it made me insane. As I sat down and read these thoughts for the first time since I wrote them nearly 6 years ago, it hurt me all over again. Not because I feel that pain still, but because it hurt to know that at one time I was so desperately sad.

I told Terrence about the entry and how depressing I found it, but I didn’t disclose to him what it was about. I think some small part of me is still afraid to share that with him. All of our issues from that year have since been resolved, but some of that resentment lingers around and comes out occasionally in moments of anger.

After I was done shedding tears for the girl that wrote that post I became overwhelmed with joy. The rough patch that I once thought would end my relationship was over. Somehow our love has proved to be stronger than all the obstacles that have been thrown at us over the last seven years.

I’m proud of the couple we’ve held onto and the people we’ve grown up to be. I can’t wait to marry this boy and continue to grow with him forever.

A shocking proposal.

A few weeks ago I was stuck at work, as I usually am. Terrence had messaged me several times to see when I would be getting home, as he’s known to do. It must have been nearly two hours after I was scheduled to leave work when I finally did and for as much as Terrence was impatient for my arrival, I was just as eager burst through the door. This particular day was a little bit different than normal. As I swung through the backdoor, bundled up Christmas Story style and hands filled with bags and other assorted junk I generally tote with me back and forth to work, I nearly slammed into a waiting Terrence.

Terrence was at the foot of the bed, on bended knee, with tears in his eyes and a ring box thrust upward at me… before I was fully into the room he had ask, “Will you marry me?”. My response was to drop my things, walk away and blurt out, “Get the fuck out of here! Are you serious?!”

Before I continue I have to tell you that whether he knew it or not we were in the middle of a fight. Just three nights prior Terrence and I were sitting on the couch and I made some self deprecating comment about how I would never get married. To which he had replied, “Sure you will, I’m sure one day when you break up with me someone will eventually marry you”. Not an exact quote, but that was the gist of it. What an ass. I didn’t speak to him for the rest of that night, and continued to give him the cold shoulder and plot my escape… that is until he flashed this ring in my face, this ring he knew was on its way in the mail when he said what he said. Laughing on the inside the entire time. Ass.

Anyway, I walked back over to him all teary-eyed and gave him a big hug and kiss… and told him “Of course I will.” Terrence impatiently placed my over-sized ring onto my finger and before I could even absorb what had just happened, he said to keep my coat on and rushed me across the street to his parents house. With booze in hand he stormed through the door, woke his brother and ushered his parents into the living room, then had me expose my left hand for all to see and exclaim.

While we were on our way to my mothers house we took bets on how long she would cry. My mother is just about the most over emotional person in the tri-state area. She screamed a little and did a dance, but she didn’t cry… which had us worried. I’m pretty sure her backwards traditional mind was overcome with anger that Terrence didn’t ask her permission first, and that got in the way of her tear ducts behaving normally. Trust me, if this were something that were important to me he would have done it… but I don’t care. I later found out that I was right and received a phone call from her the following morning, hysterically crying and apologizing for her lack of a reaction. She told me that once it hit her she cried the rest of the night and most of the next day. All is right in whoville.

Two weeks later Terrence went out to dinner at Wo Hop with some coworkers and text messaged me his fortune…