The War On Presents.

This is my first time sitting at my computer for more than 5 minutes in over 2 months. It feels pretty great, although the screen in giving me a headache, I’m not quite used to this anymore. I’ve missed you guys! I know we don’t usually speak, but I feel your presence through my views counter, so I know I’m not talking to myself… which is nice. I’m behind on so many aspects of my life. I’ve had to come up with strategies for surviving the holiday season as a microscopic business owner, hopefully next season won’t include a life altering natural disaster. Fingers crossed.

I have a wedding to plan. Every time I see people, which (trust me) has been very rare lately, they ask about how my wedding plans are coming along. I have a dress, a venue and a 9+ hour playlist of love songs… as for everything else, I have slightly over 8 months to plan for. Ahh!

I mailed out my last holiday order today. It was the most amazing sigh of relief I’ve felt in over 10 weeks. I have several more orders to fulfill, but there’s something about that devilish holiday title that adds so much pressure. If I’m a few days behind schedule now, I know its not the end of the world. But, I just mailed my last holiday order… 6 days after Christmas. It felt horrible. I’m a douche, I hate me. I have a pretty good excuse, that no one on the receiving end of a week late present is gonna care about, but I do.

This guy had a very special birthday, lets just say he turned 29 for the second time. He’s still a bit sensitive about aging. He’s been so patient about losing me to crocheting. For two months he had no couch snuggling partner, had to cook all the meals and do all the cleaning (our apartment was pretty messy) and he had to go to bed alone every night and get woken up between 3 and 6am by me climbing in to sleep. I owed him, so I promised I would take off for his birthday weekend and we’d go away to celebrate, just us. We went up to Hudson and had an amazing time… unfortunately the night before we left for home, Terrence got the flu. And the next day he gave it to me, but I got it a million times worse than he did and wanted to die for about a week and a half. That’s my excuse. I was sick for Christmas and the week leading up to it, it was miserable. I tried several times to sit up and crochet but my body laughed at me and patted my head so I had to lay back down. The worst.

It seemed like the holidays, although I’d been a slave to them for over two months, never came for me. Halloween passed us by because of Hurricane Sandy, Thanksgiving snuck up on us and we just barely caught it, and Christmas did the same. I actually had to go out and shop on Christmas Eve… devil. I kind of want a do-over. Which is ok, since my family celebrates Three Kings Day, I still have one last chance to do something right. Maybe.

Even this lead image up there… we took that about 30 minutes to midnight on Christmas day and emailed our loved ones with 5 minutes to spare. I was working on our costumes during drinks after Christmas dinner. Turned out ok though, I think. We went for a Zissou Christmas theme this year, theirs a story behind it… but I may have blabbed enough for one post so I’ll tell you about it later.

Happy New Year! We’ll catch up some more soon, promise. For now I have a little music to catch up on, I owe Riley a few months of soundtrack.

Here comes Galaga.

Does it make me sound cocky if I say how much I love my new throw? Whatever, I LOVE my new throw! I have a list of all the blankets and throws I want to eventually make. Since I already have Space Invaders, Galaga was low on my list of next projects. However, someone requested that I make it… which instantly makes it a priority on the list. Before I upset any gamers with my comparison of Space Invaders to Galaga let me just say, I only mean style wise, I already make something with rows of intergalactic enemies. Don’t yell at me, I’m sensitive.

Either way, I really like Galaga because of how colorful it is. It has a lot of pop. I’m also glad I decided to add the specks of stars. I’m super excited for when I have the time to make a full level blanket, as much as I love my little throws, I really love making full length level blankets. They make me nostalgic for hanging out at the arcade with my friends. I was a big Ms. Pac-Man junkie and I remember Galaga was right next to Ms. Pac-Man at our local arcade. My friend was a huge Galaga fan so even though we ran to separate machines we were at least close enough to hang out and be engrossed by our chosen arcade machine.

Now I’m making myself sad that that arcade went out of business in 2006. The above photo was taken the last weekend it was open. I went to the auction of all the games, we wanted to bid on skee-ball — that would have been awesome. Terrence won me the tiny color tv prize that I had always saved up my tickets to get. Tears. Guys if you still have one, support your local arcade.

R.I.P. Sand Lane Arcade ❤

What was I talking about…? Oh yeah, I made a new throw! More pictures after the break…

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A look back.

I recently came across this photo of Terrence and I taken a few months after we started dating. In the midst of all this wedding planning and life planning that we’ve been doing lately, this photo made me think. One day if we decide (more he than me) to have children, this will be one of those photos. That low quality, somewhat unattractively posed, but still happy looking picture of your parents. This is one of those. It made me happy.

My parents in their early 20’s

Destination, lourve.

I fell in love with Terrence before I met him. I remember waking up every morning and rushing to my computer, knowing there would be a new email or instant messages waiting for me, for weeks Christmas came daily. Once we finally hung out it got harder to appear sane and fight the urge to blurt out my feelings. It took me several months to reveal them, and ever since its been kind of awesome. I knew I wanted to marry him pretty early on as well, everything about our relationship moved quickly, I think it all relates back to our email acquaintanceship. I love to listen to Terrence ramble on, I love his company and seeing his adorable face everyday. He is everything to me and I’m pretty psyched to be contractually bound to him.

This weekend we went out to test run these unsightly glasses for Terrence’s job. He had to take them out for a few different activities, one of my favorites being a bike ride. Usually when Terrence and I go out for bike rides we like to swing by the same couple of spots, one of which being the beautiful Alice Austen House, the location where we will being getting married next Fall.

Being there is kind of magical, it fills the both of us with this spark and excitement. I wish planning weddings were a bit easier, I’d marry him tomorrow if it were simpler. I would get married at City Hall if I could but I know my mother, she would give me the silent treatment for about a decade. I didn’t have a sweet sixteen or go to my high school prom, my mother needs to see me in a puffy dress. I wouldn’t mind it either, I could use a good puffy dress day.

We intend to have the ceremony either on the front lawn or along the bushes on the waterfront pictured above. These details are dependent on the weather. If it rains the front lawn will have to be dominated by a big circus tent. Either way our plan is to have the water and Verrazano-Narrows Bridge as the backdrop.

I’ll keep you guys posted on the details as they unfold… not too many though, I’ve gotta keep some of the mystique for the big day.

We had a lot of fun on our bicycle adventure this weekend, here are a few pictures from along the way.

(This landmark was supposed to become the National Lighthouse Museum… until funding fell through and it was left to just fall apart. The location is one of my favorite spots on the island, sadly it remains undone and closed off.)

(Odd that we came across this Maxx Moses, a street artisit from CA, piece just chilling on the side of Edgewater)

(I’ve determined that these glasses are ugly to distract you from the built in camera capturing your every move)

Ana is wearing: Shirt/H&M, Jeans/Delias, Shoes/Seychelles, Necklace/A Beautiful Mess for Modcloth. Terrence is wearing: Shirt/American Apparel, Pants/Levi’s, Shoes/PF Flyers.

…like I’ve seen a ghost.

Today while I was waiting for Terrence to come back from his morning trek for coffee and milk, I stumbled across some old feelings. I was cleaning out my email drafts when I opened up something from November of 2006. For those of you that have been around for that long you know that Terrence and I had stretch of misery in late ’06 to mid ’07. The contents of this email draft were originally intended to be a blog post, but I assessed that it was far too personal to share with the world. A lot of the details of why we were so unhappy were at the time, and for the most part are still, very private. When I wrote this post I didn’t have anyone close in my life to share these feelings with and it ate at me until it made me insane. As I sat down and read these thoughts for the first time since I wrote them nearly 6 years ago, it hurt me all over again. Not because I feel that pain still, but because it hurt to know that at one time I was so desperately sad.

I told Terrence about the entry and how depressing I found it, but I didn’t disclose to him what it was about. I think some small part of me is still afraid to share that with him. All of our issues from that year have since been resolved, but some of that resentment lingers around and comes out occasionally in moments of anger.

After I was done shedding tears for the girl that wrote that post I became overwhelmed with joy. The rough patch that I once thought would end my relationship was over. Somehow our love has proved to be stronger than all the obstacles that have been thrown at us over the last seven years.

I’m proud of the couple we’ve held onto and the people we’ve grown up to be. I can’t wait to marry this boy and continue to grow with him forever.

A shocking proposal.

A few weeks ago I was stuck at work, as I usually am. Terrence had messaged me several times to see when I would be getting home, as he’s known to do. It must have been nearly two hours after I was scheduled to leave work when I finally did and for as much as Terrence was impatient for my arrival, I was just as eager burst through the door. This particular day was a little bit different than normal. As I swung through the backdoor, bundled up Christmas Story style and hands filled with bags and other assorted junk I generally tote with me back and forth to work, I nearly slammed into a waiting Terrence.

Terrence was at the foot of the bed, on bended knee, with tears in his eyes and a ring box thrust upward at me… before I was fully into the room he had ask, “Will you marry me?”. My response was to drop my things, walk away and blurt out, “Get the fuck out of here! Are you serious?!”

Before I continue I have to tell you that whether he knew it or not we were in the middle of a fight. Just three nights prior Terrence and I were sitting on the couch and I made some self deprecating comment about how I would never get married. To which he had replied, “Sure you will, I’m sure one day when you break up with me someone will eventually marry you”. Not an exact quote, but that was the gist of it. What an ass. I didn’t speak to him for the rest of that night, and continued to give him the cold shoulder and plot my escape… that is until he flashed this ring in my face, this ring he knew was on its way in the mail when he said what he said. Laughing on the inside the entire time. Ass.

Anyway, I walked back over to him all teary-eyed and gave him a big hug and kiss… and told him “Of course I will.” Terrence impatiently placed my over-sized ring onto my finger and before I could even absorb what had just happened, he said to keep my coat on and rushed me across the street to his parents house. With booze in hand he stormed through the door, woke his brother and ushered his parents into the living room, then had me expose my left hand for all to see and exclaim.

While we were on our way to my mothers house we took bets on how long she would cry. My mother is just about the most over emotional person in the tri-state area. She screamed a little and did a dance, but she didn’t cry… which had us worried. I’m pretty sure her backwards traditional mind was overcome with anger that Terrence didn’t ask her permission first, and that got in the way of her tear ducts behaving normally. Trust me, if this were something that were important to me he would have done it… but I don’t care. I later found out that I was right and received a phone call from her the following morning, hysterically crying and apologizing for her lack of a reaction. She told me that once it hit her she cried the rest of the night and most of the next day. All is right in whoville.

Two weeks later Terrence went out to dinner at Wo Hop with some coworkers and text messaged me his fortune…


Pretty good year.

I don’t like to make resolutions, but I do like to celebrate any accomplishments the year and I come across. 2011 was filled with celebrations, obstacles, hardships and growth. Here’s a look back at just a few of the major and minor things last year threw at me…

I turned 27-years-old, which was a good time.   I think aging is a great thing, I don’t mind getting older.  But I do often get down on myself for not achieving as much as other people my age, this year was the first time I didn’t do that.  I don’t want to let milestones get in my way, I’ll grow up when I’m good and ready.

I realized that Terrence is constantly there to push me towards my goals, no matter how small.  He always tells me to go for it, even if it means failing.  He gives me the confidence to try new things…  and in cases like the cello, he gives me the tools.

I had a lot of fun nights with Terrence and his family.  Having them as our neighbors is seriously awesome.  Sometimes watching Terrence with his sister makes me a little jealous, because I don’t think I’ll ever have a bond like they do with any of my siblings.  But its cool, I get to sit in and be a part of it sometimes, like the night we made sushi. And what a delicious bond you were indeed.

The biggest error in judgement last year was that damn day in May when I told my now ex hair stylist that I trusted her.  I’ll never do that again.  Although growing it out and sharing that progress with all of you peoples on the interwebs has been fun.

The day Terrence and I learned that no matter how big the argument or the scene you make on the streets of Boston, a drink at Cheers will always fix it.  We have so much fun together and every year when we cut ourselves off from routine we remind each other just how strong our relationship is.

This last Summer I found the love of my life, and that love is… Maine lobster.  I plan on going back this Summer to rekindle the old flame, I’m sure, as always, it will be magical.

When I first got my bicycle I thought it was just another check on my life list, I was that much closer to my rail trail goal.  But since biking around Staten Island throughout the year  I met some pretty awesome people.  I also had several really fun days out with Terrence.  He pushed me to the limit on that bike, he made jello of my legs.  Whenever  I said I couldn’t do something he made me do it or he left me in his dust.  I thought he was being a jerk for a while, until I was finally able to reach the tops of those hills and I was really proud of myself.  I can’t wait for winter to go away so we can get back out there.

We had to say goodbye to a very important family member.  It was harder than I had ever thought and I was really grateful to have had such an amazing support system in my friends and family.

I embraced being a girl and grew up a little more in my style.  I took chances and I stopped letting the mall dictate my wardrobe, or lack thereof.  I found tons of different places online to help me feel a hell of a lot more confident in walking out my door.  I think I may actually be growing up.  Crazy.

Just as I was giving up on myself I sold out my etsy store.  It was a much needed confidence boost.  One of my goals I’m hoping to achieve is being able to start my own business and survive.  I would love to be able to quit my stressful and often miserable day job and open my own shop.  I’ve always wanted to find something to be passionate about enough to make it my life’s work and I feel like I’ve got it, now I just need to get it started.  Being able to sell my first item has given me more drive to set those wheels in motion.

My childhood friend Stephanie had a baby.  This is Izzy, to me she represents the start of so much change to come.  The good type of change though.  I’ve known Stephanie since the 6th grade, we’ve been best friends and roommates, she is like my sister.  The day she told me she was pregnant I cried and cried.  I had never been more happy for someone about to have a child.  And then the holy shit moment happened, the its time to grow up moment.  No matter how old I get I’ve never felt like an adult, that is until I watched Stephanie hold her daughter.  I can not wait to embrace this whole aging thing, I’m super excited to watch baby Izzy grow up, but in order to do that I have to let go and acknowledge that we are adults now.  It’s really scary.

This last year with Terrence has been, in my opinion, the best year of our relationship.  Last December we hit a wall and made the decision to work on ourselves as individuals in order to be able to work as a couple.  We have both evolved so much since then.  I feel like a much stronger person now.  I still fudge up from time to time, but I find it a lot easier to learn from my actions and make things right.  With all the things that this year threw at me, I can’t imagine having gone through any of that without him there.  He always asks me why I love him and I never give him an answer, I promise that by the end of 2012 I’ll give him 30.

Shit, I think I just made a resolution.  Ah well.

Merry (belated) Christmas!

The initial idea for this years holiday photoshoot came from a picture of Terrence as a wee tike.

In just about every prepubescent picture of Terrence he is wearing red suspenders and a tie. For years I’ve joked with him that he always looks like he just got back from a Macy’s shoot. So I had to, for his mother, get him back in these suspenders. Since he was getting decked out in a childlike way, I figured I would follow.

Not that I dress all that differently as I did when I was a lass. My mother usually had me in tent dresses and saddle shoes, ruffled underpants. I stayed away from the ruffled panties this time around, I wanted to stay classy. I was simply going to have us standing in front of the tree in our tike outfits but Terrence thought the clothes wouldn’t make sense, by that he meant he wanted people to understand that he would never wear red suspenders unless there was a clear reason for it. That reason wasn’t clear enough so I had to quickly come up with some sort of photo story.

The more pictures we took, the more agitated Terrence became about his outfit. He was being a little brat, which I guess was him staying in character. So this is what my brain came up with for our Christmas card…

All in all I feel like we could have done better, Terrence was so ashamed of his silly suspenders and the lost concept that he didn’t send out his holiday e-cards until about ten minutes before midnight on Christmas day. Next year I suppose we’ll go back to a simple photo in front of the tree and leave the ill fitting suspenders in the past.

Outfits: (Ana) Dress/The Velvet Bird, Bow/Red Velvet, Shoes/Spring (Terrence) Suspenders/UO, Shoes/Puma, Pants/Zara, Tie/Vintage, Shirt/H&M

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Weekend in dating.

Terrence and I don’t get out as much as we used to, his job pretty much swallows him whole these days. So you can imagine how elated I was when he allowed me to steal him away from his computer for a weekend. I had to make sure it was well worth it, and I think I accomplished my goal.

Recipe for an awesome weekend in NYC,

Day 1:
Brooklyn Museum, Sanford Biggers Exhibit (Running until February)
The Islands (Caribbean restaurant, come hungry and patient)
Pacific Standard (Beer tastings, board games… good times)

Day 2:
American Museum of Natural History, Beyond Planet Earth exhibit and other such fun
Luke’s Lobster (Best Lobster Roll, EVER)
Brooklyn Boulders (bring gloves, land gently)

Its nice to be reminded how much you really enjoy the company of your partner. Terrence and I sometimes let the fact that we live together take the reigns of our “quality time”. But once you subtract the television and the computers, the nagging over whose turn it is to clean what, its amazing to know that after 7 years of dating you can still be thoroughly entertained by someone and enjoy every second of their company. I love this boy, he really is the best time.

The night we met.

Our first photo together, two months after "our first date".

I’ve discussed here before how Terrence and I met on the interwebs. Tonight, however, I received some interesting information about the night we met face to face.

Me: Hey Terrence, the night we met… was that a date?
Terrence: Yes.
Me: Hmmph… interesting. Good to know. I guess that’s why you were so nervous.
Terrence: Uh huh.
Me: Hmmm… and a few days later when we went to the movies–
Terrence: That was definitely a date.

Seven years later and I am finally enlightened to the art of dating. I wore draw string pants and a grandma sweater the night we met… I call do over.