I’ll never be a doctor.

The following topic brings great irritation to my daily life. Enough irritability that I’m giving this topic the esteemed pleasure of an honorable mention on my Murtaugh List. Some discussions are better left alone, I think.

Listen up people. I’m too old to be asked about school! I’m 25 years old, if I was smart enough to have attended college in the first place I would be more than done by now. I’m so tired of this small talk favorite. I know a lot of similarly afflicted college drop outs that are also tired of this question. It makes us feel low and useless. Yes, I’m a degenerate. Now move on to next inane question about my life.

I would sooner talk to a stranger about the intimate sexual details of my life than explain why I’m not in school. Thankfully I’ll be back in school in the Fall so today I got a whole new annoying question to twitch about. What’s my major? Fuck you, I don’t want to explain why I’m studying anthropology… you don’t want to hear about my fascination with the male and female sexual organs, trust me. Actually I should tell them all about it. Serves you right for feeling awkward enough to ask me dumb questions about my boring ass life.

Even though I’ll be going back to school and this question will be validated for the next 8-10 years of my life… I still don’t want to hear it. I’m simply too fucking old for this shit.

Dead ender.

So I forgot to update everyone about my getting into college after I recently discussed applying.  Yes, I got into CSI, which is no prize but for now it’s something.  It shows I’m at least trying not to fail at life.  And much like Terrence my nightmare is already taking shape.  To start they didn’t even notify me that I was accepted,  I got no ‘big envelope’ in the mail (good thing I’m an excellent investigator).   Then they didn’t tell me I had to take a placement test or that I was already scheduled for one (which I found out when trying to schedule it).  So I have until June 22nd to bone up on useless high school level Math and English.  But hopefully in 10 years when I graduate I can escape the torture of a low paying dead end job.  Which brings me to a very serious item on the Murtaugh List.

I’m too old to be working a dead end job.  Now I know it’s hard to acquire a job that you don’t hate, that would be asking too much.  I just want a job with some growth or direction.  When I first interviewed for my job they injected me with notions and fairy-tales of growth and joy.  Lies. We don’t even get a bullshit annual raise of $0.25 like most minimum wage positions.  I feel seriously oppressed.

I hope in the long run I don’t give up on myself.  It would be a pity to be defeated by the stress of CSI like most others do… it would be another tragedy to still be working towards my BA past 30.  Although I most likely will.  Since my goal is for a PhD I’ll most likely be in college until I’m 50… or even worse dead.  I wonder is I’ll get a tuition discount for being deceased.  Something to think about.

Murtaugh List

In a recent episode of How I Met Your Mother Ted introduces what he calls his “Murtaugh list” (named for Roger Murtaugh, the character from Lethal Weapon played by Danny Glover whose constantly exclaiming “I’m too old for this shit!”), in which he lists off all the things he and his friends are now too old for.  Since turning 25 I’ve been thinking a lot about the idea of being too old for this and that.  Not to mention as of late I’ve been consumed by a barrage of adolescent bullshit.  So I decided I would start my own Murtaugh list or in the least a grouping of juvenile occurrences or realizations compiled in a neat category all its own.