Today while I was waiting for Terrence to come back from his morning trek for coffee and milk, I stumbled across some old feelings. I was cleaning out my email drafts when I opened up something from November of 2006. For those of you that have been around for that long you know that Terrence and I had stretch of misery in late ’06 to mid ’07. The contents of this email draft were originally intended to be a blog post, but I assessed that it was far too personal to share with the world. A lot of the details of why we were so unhappy were at the time, and for the most part are still, very private. When I wrote this post I didn’t have anyone close in my life to share these feelings with and it ate at me until it made me insane. As I sat down and read these thoughts for the first time since I wrote them nearly 6 years ago, it hurt me all over again. Not because I feel that pain still, but because it hurt to know that at one time I was so desperately sad.
I told Terrence about the entry and how depressing I found it, but I didn’t disclose to him what it was about. I think some small part of me is still afraid to share that with him. All of our issues from that year have since been resolved, but some of that resentment lingers around and comes out occasionally in moments of anger.
After I was done shedding tears for the girl that wrote that post I became overwhelmed with joy. The rough patch that I once thought would end my relationship was over. Somehow our love has proved to be stronger than all the obstacles that have been thrown at us over the last seven years.
I’m proud of the couple we’ve held onto and the people we’ve grown up to be. I can’t wait to marry this boy and continue to grow with him forever.