Dirty word, four letters, starts with D.

I’ve recently begun watching what I eat and exercising more. Not to squeeze into some bikini or to get into bridal shape, but because I don’t like what I see looking back at me in the mirror. Not to mention that I have some seriously unhealthy eating habits and have had high cholesterol since I was 15-years-old. I’m trying to be a good girl. What I’ve found out since starting this new “diet” is that people can be very negative towards you when you watch what you eat. I’ve been getting so much shit for counting calories and working out. Things ranging from people actually shoving deserts and fast food in my face to being called out for being skinny and stupid. It really does confuse me how much negative feedback you can get for trying to be healthy.

I don’t want to lose weight, I’ve spent most of my life trying to gain weight, I just went about it the wrong way. Prior to this diet I didn’t eat my vegetables and considered a bag of Onion Rings a meal. All 126lbs of me is basically fat and unhealthy. I have no upper body strength and I can’t climb a flight of stairs without getting winded or physically exhausted. This may all sound silly to most people, I get it, I’m not fat… but sometimes I feel just as unhealthy. I don’t think it’s fair to judge anyone on how they feel physically.

Growing up I was always a scrawny kid, I didn’t reach 100lbs until I was in college. I wore baggy clothes to hide how grossly thin I was and I was constantly teased and called anorexic. Despite eating everything in sight, I never put on any weight. In the last two years I’ve gained over 30 lbs and lost most of it and gained some back and lost some more. The number on the scale doesn’t offend me and I like the way I look with more weight on. When I look at photo’s from my early twenties it bothers me, but it also bothers me that I have rolls now and stretch marks and loose sag skin.

My goal is to be healthy, get rid of the cholesterol issue, maintain my weight and gain strength and agility. I want to be all hardcore and athletic, I want to be able to complete something bad ass like a triathlon. I would at least like to be able to cross off three things on my life list; learn to swim, run a 5k, bike the entire Cape Cod rail trial.

Maybe my bride to be status does in small part have something to do with this new lifestyle change, I’ve said yes to the idea of spending the rest of my life with Terrence… I want that life to be a little longer. Now if you will excuse me, I have a date with a treadmill.

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