Last year when I took all of my remedial courses I was excited to write most of my papers. My English professor always chose interesting topics and my writing always flowed out of me almost as effortlessly as when I ramble in these blogs. I did well despite my grammatical errors and affinity for run-on sentences and fragments. But this time around my new English professor seems to be choosing some very lame topics. He’s a big fan of the persuasive essay and the topic sentences, man does he LOVE topic sentences. I loath topic sentences, I feel like they’re amateurish and corny, I typically refuse to use them. This had always worked out fine in the past, but OH NO, not anymore. I got a C on my last paper, a first for me, I was grossed out by this letter grade… especially when the biggest reason sighted for it was my failure to execute the mechanical turd that is the topic sentence.
I’m tired of writing dribble. The longer I spout on in these persuasive essays the more of a tool I become. I’m beginning to sound like a bad infomercial and am dry heaving with every click of my keyboard. It’s my belief that my professors goal for this semester is for us all to emerge with no soul.
Don’t waste another minute, run out and get your application today and you too can become a soulless robot with a knack for a good thesis statement! This offer will end soon, only 5 spots left, but if you call in right now we’ll throw in the tutoring FOR FREE! Hurry up!