Recently I’ve been attempting to condition myself to the idea of not being with Terrence. Now before all you ladies out there get excited that my boy is up for grabs you hold onto your knickers for a few more minutes while I get to my point. Things between Terrence and I have always been serious. We met via the internet and our initial friendship was based entirely on communicating, which resulted in an almost instantaneous love. We were together for four months before we decided to move in with each other and five months before he first asked me to marry him. So basically I’ve never had it in my head that this relationship is anything but long lasting… dare I say forever. I’ve never had to imagine anyone else filling his shoes or the pains of being lonely. For the last four years I’ve been in a fog. That is until recently when he announced his thoughts on possibly joining the Peace Corp and being out of the country for two years. I fully support this plan, in fact I insist upon it. It’s not my place to stand in the way of any of his dreams or aspirations, especially concerning his career. We’ve only briefly discussed what would become of us during this time, mostly because nothing is definite yet. But no matter what we decide after this year I’m going to have to face one thing for sure and that’s being without him. Whether it’s a hiatus or not, it’s certainly opening up a thought process that I’ve never had to deal with… life after Terrence. Bizarre. I don’t like it. But I’m staying positive, even if he does get chosen for this program and does in fact leave and we decide to ultimately see other people within the two year span of loneliness then I’m hoping that it’ll be a good thing. Maybe since we were so young when we started this road to forever it’ll be good for us to branch out on our own for a little, explore the world out there long enough to decide it stinks and race back to each other. By the time he returns I’ll be twenty-eight, just in time for my biological clock to start going cuckoo… scary.
(Video footage circa 2006)